My Husband’s Doing Great, But I’m Not: Making Room for Two Recoveries – Geoff Steurer
The Long and Winding Road – Navigating a Lifetime of Long-Term Recovery – Geoff Steurer (UCAP Conference 2016)
Getting Out of the Addiction Cycle – Jeff Ford (UCAP Conference 2016)
“More Than Just Betrayal” – Geoff Steurer & Jeff Ford – Utah Coalition Against Pornography – 2013
Dating and Pornography: Starting the Conversation – by Geoff Steurer (2015 Southern Utah UCAP Conference)
Relational Air: Learning to Breathe New Life Into Struggling Relationships – by Jeff Ford (2015 Southern Utah UCAP Conference)
Strengthening Recovery Through Strengthening Marriage (6 hour audio program)
by Kevin Skinner, PhD & Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT
The discovery of a pornography addiction in a committed relationship often sends a couple into a confusing world of mistrust, disorientation, and insecurity. Join Dr. Kevin Skinner and Geoff Steurer, both licensed marriage and family therapists and specialists in treating pornography addiction, as they compassionately address common questions and dilemmas faced by couples throughout all stages of recovery from pornography addiction.
The specific recovery needs unique to addicts, injured partners, and the couple will be outlined. Additionally, couples will not only learn how to begin healing from the effects of pornography addiction, but will also gain valuable insights on how they can start to build long-term trust and intimacy.
In this six part audio series, couples will learn:
- Why Marriage and Porn Don’t Mix
- Performing Marital CPR after Discovery
- Yours, Mine, and Ours
- Addiction and Intimacy
- The Key Steps to Rebuilding Trust
- The Vision of Long-Term Recovery
Love You, Hate the Porn
by Mark Chamberlain, PhD & Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT
A pornography addiction can feel like real infidelity to a spouse. There s nothing virtual about the damage done to a relationship, and the wounds are reopened each time a relapse is discovered. As tough as it is to overcome this addictive habit, healing a marriage damaged by pornography is even harder. For spouses, it s not enough for their partners to simply stop looking at porn. They need healing themselves. Some couples separate and divorce. Others stay together, but the strain of unresolved feelings takes a distinct toll. Many wonder, Can our marriage heal? Will we ever feel close again? Love You, Hate the Porn shows couples how to identify and address vulnerabilities in their relationship. Offers healing advice for spouses. Provides help for the struggling partner to avoid relapse. Focuses on how to make the marriage relationship stronger than it was before.
- A Parent’s Guide (1985) – www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide (LDS)
- Discussing Sexual Intimacy with Children – http://www.mormonchannel.org/family-conversations (LDS)
- Teaching Children about Healthy Sexuality and Dangers of Pornography – http://overcomingpornography.org/resources?lang=eng (LDS)
- Overcoming Pornography – www.overcomingpornography.org (LDS)
- Understanding Pornography and Sexual Addiction: A Resource for Parents and Leaders – This is a free PDF download (or you can purchase a hard-copy manual) that includes articles, lessons, and FAQ for parents. You can download the guide at http://salifeline.org/bookstore-item/understanding-pornography (LDS)
- What’s the Big Deal about Pornography? A Guide for the Internet Generation – Jill C. Manning, PhD
- The Trap – Karmel Newell and Dan Burr – A children’s story book to help teach children modesty and protect them from pornography (LDS)
- Good Pictures, Bad Pictures – www.goodpicturesbadpictures.com
- Fight the New Drug – www.fightthenewdrug.org – Educational site for teens and parents
- Pornography: The Great Lie – DVD and guide for parents and leaders to educate youth (Deseret Book)
- Let’s Talk About the Elephant in the Room: How LDS Women Can Protect Families from Pornography – Jill Manning, PhD (LDS)
- Hazards of Pornography poster – www.healthysex.com/page/do-you-know-the-difference
- He Restoreth My Soul – Don Hilton, MD (LDS)
- Love You, Hate the Porn: Healing a Relationship Damaged by Virtual Infidelity – by Mark Chamberlain & Geoff Steurer
- Strengthening Recovery Through Strengthening Marriage (6 hr audio program) – by Kevin Skinner & Geoff Steurer – available here
- How to talk to your child about sex– Richard and Linda Eyre
- From the Inside Out: Healthy Media Guidelines for LDS Families – Jill Manning, PhD (LDS)
- Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other – Sherry Turkle
- Family Safe Media Pledge (Signed by all family members) – free at www.DeseretBook.com/familypledge (LDS)
- Enough is Enough: www.enough.org – Internet safety 101 guide for parents
- Filtering and Accountability Software: K9 (Free): www.k9webprotection.com, Covenant Eyes: www.covenanteyes.com, Pandora’s Hope Router: www.pandorashope.com, Net Nanny: www.netnanny.com
- Clear Play DVD Players that edit out offensive content: www.clearplay.com
- Secret Shame: Isolation From Self – BYU profession Dr. James Harper – (search Google)
- Things as They Really Are Elder David Bednar – (search Google) (LDS)
- Utah Coalition Against Pornography: www.UtahCoalition.org – Annual conferences in Salt Lake City and St. George. Past conferences available on DVD.
- Beauty Redefined – www.beautyredefined.net Resources to protect against harmful media messages about bodies
- Women for Decency: www.womenfordecency.org – Nonprofit organization dedicated to help women raise the level of decency in their homes and communities.
- SA Lifeline – www.salifeline.org – Foundation dedicated to providing education and support to individuals, partners, couples, and parents dealing with the impact of pornography addiction. Educational DVDs available.
Why group therapy?
Group therapy may seem like the last thing you’d want to do when dealing with something as embarrassing as a pornography or sexual addiction.
An African proverb states, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” You’ve already tried to conquer this addiction on your own. Usually for years. We encourage you to try something different and join together with other individuals who are working through the same struggles.
Brene Brown once said that “to be healed, we have to be seen.” This particular struggle thrives in secrecy and darkness. Letting others support you is the best way to heal from this. Whether you’re the one struggling or a betrayed partner, letting yourself be seen in a safe and confidential group setting may be just the thing you need to take your healing to the next level.
Our groups aren’t like the ones you see in movies. Our groups are educational, supportive, and facilitated by trained professionals who make sure the group is uplifting, challenging, and moves forward toward deeper healing.
Our approach isn’t just about sobriety and stopping the behaviors that are causing you problems. We believe that the opposite of addiction isn’t just sobriety. It’s connection. A group therapy approach is like a “classroom for connection.” You get to experience what it’s like to share without shame. You get to practice using your voice to say what you think, ask for what you need, and share things that you would never be able to share anywhere else without fear of judgment.
Partners who have been betrayed also need group support to help them cope with the overwhelming feelings of isolation, rejection, embarrassment, and confusion they experience upon discovering their husband’s secret behavior. Being in the company of other women who understand what you’re going through is therapeutic and helps bring order to chaos.
12 Step Groups
The ideal recovery program includes a combination of 1) Education, 2) Clergy Support, 3) Professional Therapy, and 4) Twelve-Step Support Meetings.
Lifestar is a professional group therapy program while 12-step support groups provide free peer-based support to addicts, partners, and family members.
12-step support meetings provide a safe environment where individuals can listen, learn, and connect to a community of like-minded people who want to heal. They often include a spiritual component.
There are community support groups for men who are working through their addiction to pornography and sexual acting out. There are also groups for betrayed spouses and concerned family members.
We recommend individuals make 12-step a part of their recovery program, even if they’re doing professional group therapy.
Southern Utah 12-step meetings