Strengthening Recovery Through Strengthening Marriage – 6 CD Series Now Available

Posted on June 10, 2010
Filed Under Couples Pornography Addiction Recovery, General Sexual Addiction, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, St. George Utah Pornography Addiction Treatment | Leave a Comment

The discovery of a pornography addiction in a committed relationship often sends a couple into a confusing world of mistrust, disorientation, and insecurity.  Join myself and Dr. Kevin Skinner, both specialists in treating pornography addiction, as we compassionately address common questions and dilemmas faced by couples throughout all stages of recovery from pornography addiction.

The specific recovery needs unique to addicts, injured partners, and the couple will be outlined.  Additionally, couples will not only learn how to begin healing from the effects of pornography addiction, but will also gain valuable insights on how they can start to build long-term trust and intimacy.

In this six part series couples will learn:

Visit www.marriage-recovery.com to learn more and purchase

Looking for crumbs

Posted on June 6, 2010
Filed Under General Sexual Addiction, Pornography Addiction | Leave a Comment

I once had a client tell me that he was “looking for crumbs” one evening while he was home alone.  He had experienced a prolonged period of sobriety from viewing hardcore Internet pornography, but he recognized how he was constantly scanning his environment for any “crumbs” that would give him a little rush of excitement.  He acknowledged that he would scan magazine covers, look lustfully at women, and not turn the channel on TV when racy commercials would come on.  He recognized that he had been allowing himself to believe that these things didn’t count because they weren’t in the same league as the pornography he had allowed himself to view in the past.

He recognized that “looking for crumbs” meant that he will still trying to get a hit from anything that would create a buzz.

This was an important moment in his recovery work.  An honest assessment of his commitment and and honest adjustment in his journey.

It’s easy to recognize when certain lines are crossed.  ”Looking for crumbs” is an internal measure of commitment to healthy recovery.

Next Phase 1 “Getting Started Workshop” begins 6/15/10

Posted on June 5, 2010
Filed Under General Sexual Addiction, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Uncategorized | Leave a Comment

We’re excited to begin the next LifeSTAR Phase 1 “Getting Started Workshop” here at LifeSTAR of St. George, UT. We will begin on Tuesday, June 15, 2010 and run the class for six weeks. It’s held on Tuesday evenings from 6:30pm – 9:30pm.  This nationally acclaimed workshop is for couples and individual affected by pornography or sexual addiction.

Contact our office to reserve your spot in the group.  We look forward to being a part of your recovery journey!

Cured or healed?

Posted on May 24, 2010
Filed Under General Sexual Addiction, Pornography Addiction | Leave a Comment

I recently heard a story about a guy who endured several treatments for cancer over the course of almost fifteen years.  Despite the pain and discomfort of treatment, he continued to show up at his job, worked to be present for his family, and continued to volunteer in the community.  Unfortunately, his cancer never fully disappeared and he eventually was confined to a bed.  He was asked how he kept such a positive attitude while facing a life-threatening disease.  He replied, “Not everyone can be cured, but everyone can be healed.”

I often get asked if individuals can really be cured from pornography and sexual addiction.  My answer seems to parallel the response of this courageous gentleman who fought cancer for so many years.  I don’t believe everyone will have the pull of addiction completely removed from them in this lifetime.  But, I do believe everyone can be healed while they seek to be free of the pull of pornography.

This healing with take many forms.  For some, it means they will have their capacity increased to endure the pain and suffering they experience.  For others, it means they will heal past relationships with family and loved ones.  Some may heal the shame that has held them captive for years.  Regardless of the form the healing takes, it always comes to those who seek it.

Addiction is a complicated disorder that has its origins in physiology, genetics, emotions, attachment, environment, trauma, developmental issues, brain development, among other areas.  Good recovery is simply about working to minimize the impact of these areas and creating a life of wholeness.  This change of behavior, mind, and heart is a long process of “curing” those destructive influences.  However, the healing starts when someone simply wants to get better.

How to help someone betrayed by pornography

Posted on May 22, 2010
Filed Under General Sexual Addiction, PTSD, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Trauma and pornography addiction | Leave a Comment

If you know someone who has been betrayed by a partner’s pornography use, you’ve probably wondered how to best help them through this relational trauma.  In my years of counseling injured partners, I’ve heard quite a range of comments and advice passed along by concerned family members, church leaders, and even counselors.

It’s helpful to recognize that the injured partner is really grieving a loss of what they knew to be real.  They are grieving the loss of predictability and safety.  And, most of all, they are grieving the injury to the delicate attachment bond between them and their partner.  This isn’t something that is going to heal after a couple of supportive conversations.  Instead, it’s going to require what Dorothy Becvar calls “the ministry of presence” from those who want to assist.

Being present with someone isn’t easy for most of us.  We usually want to say something – do something – anything to stop the pain!

Since the broken bond creates unspeakable panic and loneliness, the most helpful thing someone can do is stay close to the injured partner.  That presence and connection helps soothe the fear of being alone and disconnected.

Consider the following thought from Henri Nouwen:

“Being with a friend in great pain is not easy.  It makes us uncomfortable.  We do not know what to do or what to say, and we worry about how to respond to what we hear.  Our temptation is to say things that come more out of our own fear than out of our care for the person in pain.  Sometimes we say things like “Well, you’re doing a lot better than yesterday,” or “You will soon be your old self again,” or “I’m sure you will get over this.”  But often we know that what we’re saying is not true, and our friends know it too.  We do not have to play games with each other.  We can simply say: “I am your friend, I am happy to be with you.”  We can say that in words or with touch or with loving silence.  Sometimes it is good to say:  “You don’t have to talk.  I am here with you, thinking of you, praying for you, loving you.”

Embrace Life – a great visual metaphor

Posted on April 2, 2010
Filed Under Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Families from Pornography | Leave a Comment

I’ve always thought this video was a great metaphor for partners and families helping those who struggle with pornography addiction.  Although it’s not possible for a family member to keep their loved one from viewing pornography, the whole concept of attachment provides a powerful frame for understanding that the addict and family members all benefit from the power of holding onto one another.

Embrace Life

Mormon Church launches new Anti-Pornography website

Posted on April 2, 2010
Filed Under Adolescent Pornography Addiction, General Sexual Addiction, In the news/media, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction, Protecting Children from Pornography, Protecting Families from Pornography | Leave a Comment

The Mormon Church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) has just launched a new anti-pornography website aimed at helping individuals, spouses, parents, youth, and leaders confront the impact of pornography.  This website features articles, videos, and links to other resources to help those who struggle with the effects of pornography as well as those who want to help.  It’s great to see another top-notch resource available on the Internet to help those affected by this scourge.

Read the write-up in the Deseret News.

The Importance of Disclosure

Posted on March 30, 2010
Filed Under Disclosure, General Sexual Addiction, Pornography Addiction | Leave a Comment

Just read a great article on disclosure.  There can’t be enough said about the importance of a proper disclosure in the sexual addiction recovery process.  Regardless if the behavior is pornography, sexual acting out with another person, or anything else, it’s critical that the injured partner know the reality of the situation.  Failure to disclose is essentially stealing someone else’s reality from them.

New 6-CD set available for pre-order

Posted on March 29, 2010
Filed Under General Sexual Addiction, Partners of pornography addicts, Pornography Addiction | Leave a Comment

“Strengthening Recovery Through Strengthening Marriage: Healing from Pornography Addiction” is now available for pre-order.  This audio series features Dr. Kevin Skinner and Geoff Steurer, director of LifeSTAR of St. George, Utah, discussing how to help couples heal in all stages of recovery.  From disclosure to long-term recovery, couples in all stages of healing will benefit from the tools and resources available in this series.  Visit our web page for more information

Silencing the Inner Critic

Posted on March 29, 2010
Filed Under In the news/media, Shame | Leave a Comment

Read the latest column from “Today in Dixie” columnist Geoff Steurer

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