I once had a client tell me that he was “looking for crumbs” one evening while he was home alone. He had experienced a prolonged period of sobriety from viewing hardcore Internet pornography, but he recognized how he was constantly scanning his environment for any “crumbs” that would give him a little rush of excitement. He acknowledged that he would scan magazine covers, look lustfully at women, and not turn the channel on TV when racy commercials would come on. He recognized that he had been allowing himself to believe that these things didn’t count because they weren’t in the same league as the pornography he had allowed himself to view in the past.
He recognized that “looking for crumbs” meant that he will still trying to get a hit from anything that would create a buzz.
This was an important moment in his recovery work. An honest assessment of his commitment and and honest adjustment in his journey.
It’s easy to recognize when certain lines are crossed. ”Looking for crumbs” is an internal measure of commitment to healthy recovery.