The conference will feature experts from around the nation who are working to educate parents, clergy, and the public about the dangers of pornography.  The conference will carry the same title as the previous UCAP conferences.

Stay tuned for more details as we finalize the list of presenters.  Previous UCAP conferences can be purchased on DVD from the UCAP website.

The “Getting Started Workshop” is an educational workshop for individuals and couples affected by pornography addiction and other sexually problematic behaviors.  The nice thing about this workshop is that it’s a closed group.  In other words, the people who start the group are the same people all the way through the six weeks.  This builds more safety and security for a more effective learning environment.

It’s important for couples to attend together.  We find that when couples attend the class together, they are able to learn together and heal the damage caused by the betrayal of pornography and other sexual acting out behaviors.  Even if the couple is struggling to keep their relationship together, the class offers a safe and peaceful learning environment to help each individual think more clearly and make sense of their experience.

The class is facilitated by Geoff Steurer, the director of LifeSTAR of St. George.  It’s a great format!  Lots of instruction, video clips, small-group discussion and breakouts, workbooks, assignments, tools, and support.

It’s the best way to get started in your recovery journey, even if you’ve already done some counseling or 12-step work.

Give us a call at 435-652-4366 or email us at info@lifestarstgeorge.com to ask questions and sign up.

Now, that’s probably the only honest thing one would find on a porn site.

Love is about mutual respect.  It’s about fidelity.  It’s about sacrifice.  It’s about giving (not taking).  They’re right…. there is no love in pornography.  As a matter of fact, pornography is the opposite of love.  It’s about exploitation.  It exploits and uses those who make it.  It exploits and robs those who view it.  And, sadly, it traumatizes the romantic partners of those who view it.

I wish that tagline would say a little more.  Perhaps there could be a warning label like on a cigarette package.  As a matter of fact, Wendy Maltz has already written such a warning label.  You can download it here: Hazards of Porn – Wendy Maltz

I am a fan of Stephanie Nielson’s blog “The NieNie Diaglogues.”   I love her stories of her marriage, her children, and her observations about ordinary life.  What I love most, however, is her message that she is not her body.  Stephanie was involved in a near-fatal plane crash in 2008 where she was burned on over 80% of her body.  She has chronicled her journey through multiple surgeries and excruciating rehabilitation.

Her husband, Mr. Nielson, as she affectionately refers to him, was burned on over 30% of his body.  Together, they have inspired thousands, if not millions, to keep moving forward when the pain seems unbearable.  Even though the source of their pain was originally physical and didn’t come from betrayal, there are still powerful messages of hope and healing in their story.

Her body has drastically changed (check out her blog and you’ll see pictures of her before the crash), but she isn’t hiding from the world.  She posts pictures of her body, scars and all.

This is such a different message from the perfection-obsessed media that Photoshops every image to match the “official body” requirements of the fashion and celebrity circus.  Magazine covers talk about getting perfect lips,  perfect thighs, perfect sex, perfect blah blah blah.

Read Stephanie’s blog to understand what really matters.  Trust me…. you’ll be moved by her message.

I love Stephanie’s courage and resolve to show the world who she really is.  I’m grateful she did.  I’m certainly a better man because of her example.

A woman married to a man struggling with pornography / sexual addiction tells her story about how the LifeSTAR program has helped them strengthen their marriage as well as their individual lives.

However, here are a few points to consider when deciding if you should talk with your children about the addictive behaviors:

1.  What they already know - Unfortunately, some children discover or learn about a parent’s pornography or sexual acting out behavior on accident.  They may walk in on a parent using pornography, overhear a discussion between their parents, or find text messages or other evidence of the problematic behavior.  If this is the case, it’s critical to own up to the behaviors they’ve discovered and tell them the truth.  You don’t need to add more information, but they need to know that what they saw or discovered was real.

2.  The age and gender of the child – Younger children can understand the concept that a parent made a mistake and is getting help for it.  Older children can benefit from a parent talking more specifically about the type of help they’re getting.  A teenage girl may be traumatized by learning of her father’s pornography use.  A teenage son may be more understanding.  What to say, if anything, is something that needs careful consideration and consultation.

3.  Will it help the child? – If you have a child who struggles with pornography or other sexual behaviors, it can be helpful to let them know that you understand their struggle.  You don’t need to disclose any specific details, however, you’re willingness to connect with them about their sexual struggles will help break through their denial and help them feel validated and supported.

Healthy long-term recovery from pornography and sexual addiction as well as the trauma experienced by injured partners involves being able to see oneself more clearly.  This allows couples to heal more authentically.  When one can sit with the intense emotions and thoughts that come from our experiences, relationships, personalities, disappointments, and other sources, the compassion can start to flow and real connection begins to happen.

“Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all out, just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

- Dinah Craik (1826-1887), English poet and novelist

I believe one of the most healing things about recovery is learning to open up and be vulnerable with other people.  When individuals (both those who struggle and their partners) begin attending groups, 12-step meetings, or talking to someone they trust, something important begins to happen.  They start to feel safe.  For some individuals, this is the first time they’ve felt safe with another person.

Recovery isn’t just about stopping a behavior.  It’s about healing relationships.